Prematurity . org

Preemie Shops

Premature Baby Premature Child

Preemie Books


Parent Advocates : Born in the NICU

By Allison Martin, MPA

The quality and frequency of a parentís participation in their childís care in the NICU can play a significant role in their effectiveness after discharge when they become the parent advocate of a special needs child.

Parent Advocates : Born in the NICU

The quality and frequency of a parentís participation in their childís care in the NICU can play a significant role in their effectiveness after discharge when they become the parent advocate of a special needs child. Some NICU experiences mold parents interactions with professionals for many years to come. Eight important characteristics significantly influence a parentís future role as advocate.

1. The NICU environment is stressful.

The NICU experience is intensely emotional and stressful. Often an immediate response is required to new or inadequate information. Issues such as life and death crises, quality of life, and very dramatic episodes are interwoven with periods of mundane monitoring and exhaustion.

2. The NICU environment is child centered.

In the NICU, decisions are generally made with the welfare of the child foremost. The parents are lower on the list of priorities, after numerous professional and operational considerations. Most parents are content with the placement of their child at the center of focus, and in fact, come to expect it.

3. The NICU environment is professional.

Parents and babies are immersed in high technology and interact daily with specialists, doctors, nurses, and other medical professionals. The NICU has its own jargon, rules and routine ways of operating determined by the profession, which parents adapt to and perhaps even finds comforting over time.

4. The NICU environment is well documented.

Parents come to expect and rely upon a high level of documentation and transfer of detail from one member of the staff to another. How much they are encouraged to share in the availability of documentation may vary from place to place. The more access parents have to information, the more involved they may feel and the better prepared they may be for their future role in child care. However, in all cases parents end up expecting and relying upon detailed documentation.

5. The NICU environment is constantly changing.

Parents and babies cope with an ever changing group of professionals. Continuity is generally encouraged, but constant change is a fact of life. Increased parental involvement can provide greater continuity of care for the infant. Providing parents with a focal person can provide greater continuity for the parent in transfer of information and encouragement.

6. In the NICU, parents are part of a team.

The NICU team is coordinated by a leader or leaders other than the parent. Ideally the parent is part of the team. The more parents feel included in the decisions for their child and the more knowledgeable they become during this period, the better they will be able to make informed decisions and transfer knowledge in the future.

7. In the NICU, parents interact with experts on the care of their child.

The professionals in the NICU almost always know more than the parents - both in terms of theoretical and experiential knowledge. Although the information can be overwhelming, the more parents understand the events, procedures and potential consequences, the better informed they will be to make decisions in the future. Parents will live with the consequences of some decisions for the rest of their childís life.

8. In the NICU, parents learn to parent in an unique environment.

In the NICU, parents exist on the "turf" of the professionals. They desperately need and value the NICU setting and the people caring for their child. However, they are not in charge or at home--an unfamiliar and unnatural environment for parenting.

While unintentional, parents receive a subliminal message in the NICU that they cannot provide adequate care for their fragile children. Presumably, as parents become involved and informed during their time in the NICU, they will feel more confident and be better prepared to care and advocate for their child down the road. There are a variety of ways this may be encouraged. NICU parents may be invited to take over much or part of the routine care (e.g., feeding, holding, changing, bathing) of their children when medically feasible. NICU personnel can make a special effort to ensure that parents are involved in the accomplishment of major milestones (e.g., first bottle, first clothes, first time out of isolette, first bath). Overall, it is likely that both parent and child will benefit when parents undertake more "normal" parental interactions (e.g., holding, rocking, swaddling, kangaroo care) over the course of a stay in the NICU. This Ďon-the-job trainingí allows parents to become more invested, affirmed and comfortable with parenting early on. As an added benefit, the baby experiences more continuity of care.

After the NICU : Finding Yourself In Charge

The same factors that are important in the NICU continue to play an important role in the lives of parents and children after discharge. However, the relative responsibilities of parents and professionals have changed. If parents have a child with special needs, they become a "special needs family" with issues and needs beyond "normal" parenting. The responsibility for identifying and addressing these issues and needs now rests with the parent.

Parents often emerge from the stressful environment of the NICU with an intensity of focus and concern for their children more immediate than many other families. Parents are used to having their childrenís issues be of primary importance. They may be dismayed to find that this singular focus on their child is not shared by the professionals they encounter later. For example, preschools and schools are still child-oriented but are less responsive to the individual, immediate needs of each child than is the NICU.

Life will still feel like a whirlwind, but likely without some of the immediate support the parents came to rely upon during their time in the NICU. Additionally, parents will continue to cope with change, such as frequent turnover in school personal and therapists and other transitions each year and throughout the year. Childrenís needs will also change over time and new issues may emerge or resolve.

After the NICU, the new responsibility of parents means they will encounter a whole new group of professionals and an entirely new set of jargon. Now however, they must learn from the experts themselves and then transfer and implement the information. At times parents will find themselves to be more educated on issues than the professionals they encounter - a discouraging event for any parent but particularly those used to the exceptional standards of the NICU.

Overall, parents discover that they are ultimately responsible for the welfare of their child. They come to understand that parenting alone is not enough. They must assume a new set of roles to ensure that the necessary coordination, documentation, communication and implementation occurs to support their childís growth and development.


Parents do not necessarily come to advocacy for their special children by nature. They come to advocacy having survived the NICU--perhaps the most emotional and stressful time of their lives. It is important that parents of children of special needs understand the breadth and depth of the roles they must play in their childís life. It is a difficult and sometimes overwhelming responsibility, but the benefits for parent and child are ultimately rewarding.

Copyright Allison Martin 1999, 2001

Part 1 of "After the NICU : The Birth of Effective Parent Advocates" was presented at the International Conference on Prematurity, "Directions for the 21st Century, Bridging the Gap Between Parents and Professionals." July, 1999.

Allison Martin, MPA, is the manager of the Comeunity and Premature Child websites. She has been involved in support for preemie parents since the birth of her son in 1988. Allison Martin is the listowner of Preemie Child, a support email list for parents of older children born premature, where the discussion in this article took place.

Preemie Advocacy

Preemie Advocacy

Advocacy Articles
Advocates Born in the NICU
Talking with Doctors
NICU Self Care
Roles of Parent Advocates
My Goals for Advocating
No One is an Island
Just Another Monday?
Windows of My World

Preemie Books
Advocacy Books
Preemie Books
Special Needs Books
Author Interviews

Preemie Shopping

Preemie Books
Special Needs

Great books on
preemies and special needs

Preemie Shops
Your preemie deserves the best! Shop in our unique Preemie Stores.

Preemies on Amazon
Amazon has presents for everyone.

Premature Delivery Premature Baby - Surviving the NICU Preemie Parenting Preemie Celebrations Preemie Advocacy Home - Premature Baby - Premature Child Prematurity Books Shopping for Preemie Parents Forum on Prematurity Preemie Child Show and Tell - children's art and stories Preemie Special Needs and Development Preemie Child Mailing LIst - Email support


Author Interviews | Preemie Books

| Premature Birth & Delivery | Surviving the NICU | Preemie Parenting | Advocacy |
| Preemie Celebrations | Preemie Children Show & Tell | Preemie Guest Book |
| Preemie Special Needs & Development | Prematurity Research |
| Preemie Child Discussion List |

All Contents Copyright

Information and Encouragement for your Preemie Baby and Preemie Child

Premature Baby Premature Child